


We Deserve Better Than Each Other

by ButterflyPrincess



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Break Up, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Febi is a dick, Fights, Hurt/Comfort, Luka tries to heal and fails pretty hard, M/M, Rivalry, Sad, This is also kind of pretentious, Unhealthy Relationships, bi Jankos, dysfunctional poly Febiven rather, gay Perkz, poly Febiven, there's some yelling in this, this got more real than I wanted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 18:33:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18643750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyPrincess/pseuds/ButterflyPrincess
Summary: After a long troubled history with Fabian, Luka thinks the problem might be out of sight and out of mind when Fabian leaves for NA. However, only a year later, he returns with the intention of making amends.Luka is not particularly keen.





	We Deserve Better Than Each Other

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys, 
> 
> I would say "I'm back!" but I feel like since I last uploaded here there have come so many people who probably don't know me, so. Just hi, I guess. 
> 
> I wanted to write this to get back into the groove and initially, I had planned for something way more fun, but then I binged some Bojack Horseman and that ambition died. So, uhm, yeah, this is kind of real you guys. 
> 
> I still hope you'll get some enjoyment out of it and I'm still quite proud of this story. Thanks for reading <3

Out of sight, out of mind. A neat principle that has done well for Luka, at least for the last year. Ever since Fabian left for glorious America, he hasn’t wasted a single thought on him. Fabian leaving, in Luka’s mind, threw a nail after a coffin that was already thoroughly sealed six feet under.

He maintained the same old ambitions – to conquer Europe and then the world – but his mind seemed clearer than ever, free from the distraction of Fabian’s persistent indecision. Their constant push-and-pull was gone and replaced by a radio silence that was nothing if not peaceful.

Luka focused on Solo Queue harder than ever, focused on training with almost deadly precision and he was more confident than ever before.

Instead of sneaking minutes with Fabian, he went out to bars, occasionally, and got drunk, and picked up a boy and they’d have sex for a night and never see each other again. That last part being a guiding principle of his. As soon as the other person seemed to know of him and his career, he would immediately back off, deeply bothered by the thought of sleeping with someone who he might, in fact, see again at some point.

Halfway into 2018, he’s sure that Marcin has taken more than a healthy liking to him and in response he decides that telling him head-on that he wasn’t interested in a relationship with anyone from the scene, not to mention his own team, in the foreseeable future, was the way to go. A mercy that Fabian had always failed to provide him. Marcin understands and they remain friends, a bit more touchy than most guy-friends maybe but the lines are drawn and never crossed. Luka feels in control. Finally.

He ends up talking to Marcin a lot. About Fabian and about his school time, being in a the closet in Croatia and all these kinds of things, mainly because Marcin listens and doesn’t reply a lot. He just listens.

But 2018 ultimately goes as fast as it came and they can conquer neither Europe nor the world. It makes Luka feel weak, unworthy and powerless.

And maybe that’s why ultimately he meets up with Marcin in Berlin, under the pretense of doing the tourist-y sightseeing that they never have time for. They get to about the third destination before they head to the empty gaming house and do it like animals in heat. Once, twice, three times before Luka regains some sense and leaves abruptly, leaving behind a confused Marcin and coming to the realization that maybe he is just as terrible as Fabian always was.

Fabian, as out of mind as he had been, refused to stay out of sight, though and the news that he was returning to Europe after all, hits Luka harder than he had ever anticipated. His thoughts swirl around Fabian for the remainder of the off-season and only come to a halt when he finally has to confront the mess he’s made with Marcin.

“Are we just never gonna talk about this?” is what he asks on the first day back in the gaming house.

Luka takes a deep breath then and instead of taking Marcin, slamming him against wall behind him and doing unspeakable things right then and there because that’s what he needs right now to distract his mind from racing around Fabian, he decides to do the only right thing instead.

“It was a one-time thing, I just… I needed some, uh, physical contact and I don’t want to give you false hopes or anything. I’m sorry.”

Marcin just nods and musters up a smile, determined to never break his sunny disposition. “Okay. That’s cool. We’re still gonna clap some noobs together, though, right?”

Luka smiles back and gives Marcin a little nudge. “Always.”

Luka doesn’t expect to meet Fabian before the first week of games, maybe he could even avoid him until their first game against each other, but Fabian has other plans.

When he goes to bed after the first day of scrims, he feels his phone buzz and he already feels that it’s going to be bad. Not that this would stop him from picking up the phone to have a look regardless.

_I’m back. - Fabiantje_

He has a new number, and for a moment Luka tries to tell himself that maybe it’s a prank. Maybe it’s just a fan that somehow got his number and tries to get on his nerves. But he would be a fool to claim that anyone else but Fabian would know how much Luka hates the nickname “Fabiantje.”

It throws him all the way back. Back to when he was younger, more vulnerable and more in love with Fabian, and Fabian more in love with his jungler at the time. Fabian has always had the bad habit of starting flings with teammates, Dayun and Martin and Luka doubts that he didn’t do it on Clutch. The one time he didn’t do it with a teammate, he took Luka, young and impressionable and so starry-eyed.

Luka disillusionment was as quick as it was painful but he couldn’t deny that the angry sex was definitely better than the sex they had when he had still had hopes for more. If Fabian only saw him as a glorified sex toy, then that’s how he would see Fabian as well. And that’s what he did.

They were with each other when Fabian was still in his more romantic relationship with Dayun, and it felt like victory half the time. It felt like Luka was winning because even when he was in love, Fabian would still choose him, be with him, take everything he wanted from him and more. Half the time it felt like defeat because Fabian told him that Dayun knew and that he was cool with Fabian fucking around with whoever he wanted to fuck around with. Sometimes they’d be in Fabian’s bed together and Dayun would call out “Fabiantje!” and Fabian would jump in an instant. Luka would tease him that Fabian playing lap dog was adorable and Fabian would retort that jealousy looked beautiful on Luka’s face.

_I’m back. – Fabiantje_

He reads it again and part of him wants to throw his phone against the wall and be done with it, while the other wants to text back and ask why he would ever come back, and why he would dare text Luka about it and why he couldn’t just be decent and not ever speak to him again.

_Welcome home._ He answers eventually. How original.

_Do you want to come say hello?_

Luka frowns. _I would rather swallow a grenade, actually._

_You still hate me?_

_Maybe._

_I can change that._

Luka looks at the message. He shakes his head. _No, you can’t. Hope you have a nice split. Bye._

He puts his phone on flight mode and puts it on his night stand, display down, just to be sure. He doesn’t like Fabian’s confidence, mainly because it’s the thing he used to like the most about him. Fabian had always been confident about making Luka forgive him, making him shut up and making him want Fabian more than anything else in the world. And Luka is done with that.

He tosses himself into his sheets, and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to force himself into sleep. And he does sleep eventually, but not without dreams of dark eyes and dark hair and firm grips.

 

 

The hype around their first match against one another builds for five whole weeks. Misfits is doing well, G2 is doing better. They’re steamrolling the competition, leaving opponents left and right baffled as to how they are supposed to beat this.

Luka feels comfortable in his new role. And he feels extra comfortable with Rasmus following in his footsteps as explosively as they had hoped and every inch of doubt that he or any onlooker might have had before the split has been squashed into the ground.

But Misfits might be a challenge. At least that’s what everyone else says. And by the time the Rap Battle drops, Luka is just positively amused. They really think they have a chance. Cute.

Fabian hasn’t messaged him against since that one evening and he has thoroughly ignored Luka during preparations on match days. At least until now.

It’s a few hours before the game and Luka’s phone buzzes.

_Do you think you’ll win?_

Luka smirks. _You have no chance. Not even close._

Then there’s just silence. Luka shrugs and puts the phone away, especially since Grabbz is giving him a look that very explicitly tells him to pay attention.

When he checks his phone before they enter the shuttle, there’s precisely one message.

_If we lose, I’ll take you out for dinner._

Luka doesn’t reply. His heart flutters more than he wants it to, but he tries to ignore it. Instead he flashes Marcin a quick smile. “We’ll smash them,” he declares, and Marcin smiles back. “Hell yes!”

It’s been hard with Marcin lately. They’ve been winning so much and the spirits so high that they’ve had a lot of reason for celebrating and hugging and touching and Luka is unsure what to make of that. They had agreed on not fooling around with each other and just being teammates. Platonically. Like sane people.

But Marcin is objectively cute and objectively fun and a sunshine and objectively maybe Luka subjectively likes him a bit more than just a friend. But maybe lots of things. All that Luka is certain of is that he has neither time nor nerve for any of this.

They end up absolutely demolishing Misfits without compromise. They jump up and hug and it’s all smiles across the board. They go for the handshakes and that’s when everything dawns on Luka. He reaches Fabian who grabs his hand a bit stronger than necessary and pulls him closer ever so slightly. “I was serious, by the way. Meet me outside the house after you’re done with VOD-review.” Luka doesn’t have time to answer without making it look suspicious.

He tells himself he won’t go, but when they’re done with talking and reviewing, he grabs his jacket and darts out the door.  

When he arrives downstairs, the sidewalk is empty and he feels stupid, so stupid and so unsure of what he had expected. What had he even wanted? Fabian already waiting for him downstairs, in his arms a bundle of thirty rose, begging for forgiveness for his long series of fuck-ups? Or had he expected it to just be a prank? An attempt to fuck with his head?

He doesn’t know what he wanted or expected or hoped but he does know that he’s cold and impatient and doesn’t want to wait for nothing.

“Hi.”

Luka jumps and turns around. Fabian stands there, his hands buried in his jacket pockets. Luka doesn’t quite know what to say. “Hi” is all he manages.

“You know, I realized something,” Fabian says and gazes off in the distance.

Heavy way to start a conversation, Luka thinks. “What?” he asks curtly.

“It’s actually really fucking late and we’ve already had dinner. I kind of just wanted the line to sound smooth.”

Luka snorts and mentally gives himself a slap on the fingers for it. “I didn’t really have time to question your logic, to be fair.”

Fabian gives him a little smile. “Would you allow me to come to your room?” Luka gives him a look. “I’ll be a good boy. I just want to talk and outside is a bit cold, don’t you agree?”

Luka doesn’t dwell on the fact that Fabian is Dutch and probably more used to the cold than he is. He hesitantly agrees. “If you touch me, I _will_  scream” he says before leading Fabian inside.

On the way upstairs, they both remain completely silent while Luka contemplates how to sneak Fabian past everyone. They’re not all gonna be asleep yet. The contrary, they’ll still be playing or talking.

So, he decides that if can’t sneak, he’ll just go in gun a-blazing. Thus, he puts the brightest smile on his face, swings the door open and throws one arm around Fabian. “Look what sad soul I found on the way to the _Späti_!”

It’s not the cleanest lie of his lifetime but it gets a few laughs and the people who aren’t currently in queue get up and greet Fabian quite enthusiastically, telling him that they had loved the game. And such.

Marcin does the same but gives Luka a glare so cold that Luka wants to go back outside for warmth. Marcin knows about them, has witness more than one tearful breakdown about their troubled relationship. Luka tries to give him a reassuring smile but Marcin turns away instantly and just sits back down at his PC.

After all platitudes have been exchanged successfully, Luka takes Fabian to his room. He directs Fabian to sit on the bed while he lets himself sink onto his gaming chair, arms crossed and skeptically eyeing Fabian.

“You guys really upgraded, huh?”

Luka shrugs. “Franchising will do that, you should know.”

Fabian sighs. “Look, I wanted to talk to you about what happened before I left. I feel bad about how that all went down.“

Luka blinks at Fabian, not quite believing what he just heard. He simply shakes his head. “Oh, _you_  feel bad. Sure. You certainly were the one who suffered there.”

“Luka, listen-“

“No, you listen. I told you, you can’t come back from that. I told you I don’t want to see you again and you did me that favor and fucked off to NA where you should’ve stayed for all I care.” Luka presses his lips together in a fine line, trying to suppress the bubbling anger, the rising resentment that he had tried to bury to thoroughly.

“Luka, I didn’t mean to-“

“To hurt me? Are you sure about that? Because that’s what I’d call it when you tell someone who’s been in love with you for year that you reciprocate their feelings and then instantly fuck your ex again the next day.”

“I didn’t know where I was with my head, I- I just want to make it up to you. I shouldn’t have played you like that. I was younger and dumber and I… There is no day that went by without me thinking about how you were doing, I just. I regret all of this so much.”

Fabian is giving him the biggest puppy eyes he can muster and Luka wants nothing more than you vomit all over this dumb face of his.

“Good. You should regret. And you should’ve never contacted me again. And to tell me that you could change me hating you? And then still come here with your suffering ego spiel? Yeah, you can fuck right off with that, honestly.”

“Look, I was drunk that evening, I wanted to see you again, I missed you. I love-“

“Don’t you _dare_ say these words to me.”

“But I _mean_ them.” Fabian makes a motion to get up from the bed but Luka glares at him so intensely that he sits back down.  

“Did you also mean them after you didn’t qualify for Worlds and instead of letting me be there for you like I was willing to do, you just bailed and went to fuck Martin? Because that’s what you always fall back on. I wonder… Did you give him a call before me? Did you have your little reunion yet?”

The thought alone stings. Martin has basically always been a priority for Fabian, even when he had his cutesy little romance with Dayun. And considering how open that had really been, Luka knows that Fabian probably hadn’t skipped out on Martin.

“Martin and I are friends. We don’t… do that anymore. He ended that.”

Luka can’t help himself. He clenches his first and slams it on his desk, sending a loud _pang_ through the room, under guarantee audible to the rest of the team. “IT’S NOT ABOUT THAT,” he yells, pure rage pulsing through his veins, “I WOULDN’T FUCKING CARE IF YOU AND MARTING WERE FUCKING MARRIED! I CARE THAT ABOUT YOU TELLING ME YOU LOVE ME AND THEN IMMEDIATELY JUMPING AT HIS CALL LIKE THE LITTLE BITCH YOU ARE!”

He has jumped up and starts pacing through the room like a tiger on the prowl. Fabian glares up at him and pushes himself up from the bed, steeping into Luka’s way. “Jealousy still looks good on you, you know.”

Luka has enough. He grabs Fabians arm and though he knows that Fabian is stronger than him, he knows that he didn’t expect it so Fabian tumbles against the wall with the force Luka exerts. Luka holds him up against it, and brings his lips up against Fabian’s ear, anger rushing through him.

“I’m not jealous,” he whispers, trying to keep his voice from breaking. He’s unsuccessful and maybe that’s good, he thinks to himself, maybe it helps his point. “I’m broken.”

Fabian swallows. “Luka, come on, it wasn’t that bad, I just-“

Luka doesn’t bother stopping the single tear that runs down his face. “Yes, it was. I had a crush on you, I was _in love_ with you. I was _seventeen_ when we first-“ He stops. He stakes a step back from Fabian and just looks at him. “I don’t know why I agreed to this. I don’t… I don’t want to see you anymore. I mean, I’ll have to, but… Not more than necessary.”

Fabian doesn’t say anything. He just stares back blankly for a moment. “Luka, I’m so sorry, I can fix this, I’ll do anything, I’ll be better, I’ll…”

“Fabian…” Luka sighs. “I’m not your self-help tool. I can’t make you better. You have to get your shit together on your own. I thought maybe you would do that in America but apparently you only managed to feel sorry for yourself. Sorry doesn’t fix this. _You_ can’t fix this.”

“I’m just… I don’t know why I keep doing this… I just. I love you, I loved Dayun but still I…”

Luka sighs and places a hand on Fabian’s shoulder in a single gesture of sympathy, his anger dying down and being replaced by a vague sense of disappointment. “Okay, I will give you a quick pep talk and I want you to leave this room forever.”

Fabian just nods.

“The thing I should have seen about you right away instead of two years into this mess is that you, Fabian Diepstraten, are not a monogamous person. You love having multiple people to love, to fuck, to just… be around, I guess. And that’s like. Cool. Not everyone is monogamous. But _I_ shouldn’t have to tell you that. It’s something that _you_ should realize about _yourself._ You loved Dayun, I believe that. You still wanted to fuck me and he was cool with that and that’s what it was, but… You kept making promises about how you’d stop and how it’d all be different and then you couldn’t keep these promises. It’s fine if you want to have three people at once, but I’m just… Not about that. So, this…” He gestures between the two of them, “doesn’t work. It has never worked, and it will never work. We want different things.”

Fabian blinks. “So, you’re calling me a manslut?”

Luka laughs a little at that. “I mean I did call you a bitch earlier, but that’s… I was… I still am angry. Because you know yourself so little. Like, I don’t have a problem with you being a slut or poly or whatever. But, as I said, these are things that you should know about yourself rather than let other people suffer who might not swing the same way.”

“I’m sorry” Fabian whispers weakly.

Luka gives him a small smile and squeezes his shoulder. “I’m sorry that I yelled at you. But… I think we needed this. I needed to yell at you, and you needed to… hear it. I just… I really don’t want us to be involved anymore. I hope you understand.”

Fabian nods. “I understand.” He steps away from Luka and slowly nears the door. “You know what’s funny? I think, deep down, this is the conversation I wanted to have. I just still kind of hoped for angry rebound sex, you know?” He gives a small chuckle.

Luka smiles sympathetically. “Not gonna lie, it’s what I thought we were headed towards when we decided to go inside.”

“Maybe we both did a bit of growing up. It’s just that I have more ahead of me,” Fabian says.

Luka shakes his head and allows the thought of what Marcin probably thinks they’re doing inside his brain, even though it brings an uncomfortable anxiety with it. “I also have a lot of growing up to do. We all do.”

“Esports isn’t exactly great for that.”

Luka shrugs. “Only if you let it be.”

“I… uh… guess I’ll be on my way then. I’m sorry for being so… this. It was nice talking to you again. I… wish you the best.”

“We both deserve better than each other.”

“Goodbye, Luka. See you on the rift,” Fabian says and Luka thinks it’s cringy as all hell but at the same time there is enough sincerity there to make it sound much less silly somehow.

“See you on the rift,” he replies and with that, Fabian is gone.

Luka hears the faint chatter of the others saying goodbye to him. He falls back onto his bed and stares at the ceiling, wondering if what he said was right. If he did the right thing. If he didn’t wish they had had the angry rebound sex that they had both expected. Part of wishes they had parted with a last kiss, a last hookup, something. But that’s not how you get someone out of your life.

 

 

“Are you still dressed or already dressed again?”

Luka lazily turns his head to the side and sees Marcin leaning against the doorframe. “No clothes have left my body tonight. Except my jacket, I guess.”

Marcin nods. “I’m impressed. And relieved.”

Luka smiles. “I’m a big boy, you know. I can handle a problematic ex.”

“It’s a quite newly acquired skill, though, you have to admit.”

“I know,” Luka sighs, “I’m sorry you had to pick up so many pieces.”

“That’s alright. It’s what friends are for, right?”

“Do you want to know I told him? That I’m broken. And he is who broke me.”

“Do you really believe that you’re broken?” Marcin says and carefully sits down next to Luka on the bed. “It looks like you’re just putting yourself back together.”

“I was so dumb. I really… I really believed he loved me back then. And I guess he did but I thought I could have, like, a Prince Charming moment or some shit. Like a fucking teenage girl.”

“Teenage boys and girls aren’t that different, you know… It’s okay to want a Prince Charming. In fact, Prince Charmont from the Ella Enchanted movie was my first male movie crush. Hugh Dancy.”

Luka chuckles a little. “To be fair, I had that later when I watched Hannibal.”

Marcin lets his gaze sink to the floor. “I think we have the same taste in lots of circumstances.”

Luka furrows his brows. “Oh, don’t tell me-“

Marcin nods. “You think Fabian changed any of his bad habits when he was on H2K?”

“He never told me about you…”

“Because I didn’t deal with him for more than like two or three fucks. He’s not really my style.”

Luka snorts. “Too sloppy?”

“Too uncommitted. Kind of. I liked him well enough for a hookup but I realized that he didn’t want what I wanted and decided to draw a line there. But obviously I was also a bit older than you when you two first started… Whatever it is you had.”

“A clusterfuck of a relationship is what we had. Not even really a relationship, more of a friendship plus run amok or something. But I wish I had seen it sooner.”

Marcin sighs. “I understand that. But you can’t beat yourself up over it. You felt what you felt and wanted to make it work. No one can fault you for that.”

Luka shrugs. “Do you think it messed me up? Because I feel like it did. I sometimes feel like I just don’t know how to… do relationships. I’m pretty good at like pining and I guess sex but I’m not sure about that, it’s not like I ever got actual productive feedback. I mean he did keep coming back I guess, but… Anyway. I don’t know, I feel like, I – God, that’s so dramatic – I feel like I lost years of my life.”

“I think you’re overthinking this,” Marcin says and smiles a little, “Relationships seem scarier from the outside than they are from the inside. Like, sure it’s not like super easy but… Overall, I think it’s more like having a best friend who you happen to just never get enough of.”

“But, I mean, people do get enough of each other. And then they hurt each other.”

“Yeah, true. I very quickly got enough of the girl I dated in school, and Oscar eventually got fed up with me. But that’s okay, too. You don’t keep the same friends forever, either, do you?”

Marcin looks down at Luka who decides to at least sit up. Luka tries to look Marcin in the eyes, but he can’t. He’s not sure where he wants this conversation to go.

“I guess. But you never know if it’s going to work out… And I wish I had known how everything would turn out with Fabian before so I wouldn’t have done it. At least I hope I wouldn’t have done it.”

“Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. But it’s also good to know whether or not you have a parachute before you jump.”

“Marcin, I-“

Marcin places a finger on Luka’s lips. “I know what you’re worried about. I… I’ll just let you know that I like you, I do. A lot. And I’m willing to take a leap of faith with you and I’m confident that I have a working parachute. But I can give you all the time in the world to check your equipment and- This analogy is a bit dumb, isn’t it?” And then Marcin just starts laughing, Luka joining in with a feeling like rocks tumbling off his chest. “Anyway, I think you need time and I’ll give you that.”

Luka finally manages to really look Marcin in the eyes, and he feels a little more comfortable, a little less scared, a little less worried. He leans forward and touches Marcin’s lip with his, only briefly, almost platonically and leans back again. “I’ll think about it.”

Marcin grins, as obnoxiously as always. “Good. And don’t forget that it’s okay if you say no. I’m a big boy, I can live with that. It’s okay. Just think about what’s best for you.”

“Thank you.”  Luka nods and smiles a little. “Hey, I… I think I’d like to be alone now.”

“That’s alright. But do get some sleep, we still have a game tomorrow.”

Marcin leaves the room without an ounce of protest and Luka just stares after him for a while and stares longer at the closed door behind him.

Then he cries.

It’s a release of pressure, first of all, his head feels like a knot waiting to burst open and the tears make it feel lighter, make it feel a bit more bearable.

Then he cries because his stupid knot-brain is sad about losing Fabian, even though there was nothing good about having him in the first place and he didn’t even really have him anyway. But maybe that’s what hurts so much. All the days he spent pining and dreaming and hoping, all ultimately lost and useless.

He thinks of how it might have gone differently, how it would have gone if Fabian had really loved him. Would they have had a cute romance? A kitschy Romeo and Juliet type of thing because they were also rivals? They would steal kisses between games, they’d meet after games and on their days off and do stupid tourist things and go out and hold hands like a real couple. Except, he knows that would never happen.

And then he cries because it had been so obvious. Fabian and him just didn’t want the same thing. Luka had only ever wanted the type of relationship he saw girls and boys have in school but could never have himself. Fabian wanted more than one person, he just never understood that about himself.

And finally, he cries because he doesn’t know what to do with Marcin, he doesn’t understand why Marcin likes him or why he’s so kind and understanding. He doesn’t understand how he deserves that and why it’s happening but it is and maybe that’s a good thing but it’s also scary and foreign and new.

He’s unsure how to react to Marcin because he likes Marcin and there are so many good things about being with him a and maybe they’d work out. Yet, at the same time, Marcin’s wacky little analogy makes sense, too. He needs to take a leap of faith, and Marcin is already geared up and ready to jump while Luka isn’t even sure if he’s ever even seen a parachute.

The tears die down eventually, and he falls asleep, exhausted and drained in every way but at least he has a problem less now, he thinks to himself, and that’s a start, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Quick disclaimer: The negativity in relation to Fabian's polyamory is not intended to negatively portray polyamorous people - who are awesome and I love them - but is instead supposed to portray that Fabian not being aware of this particular preference of his has negatively impacted people around him. If there is anyone who has constructive criticism on whether I could have made that clearer and how, don't be shy, I can take it. It was an attempt to portray how important understanding yourself is when interacting with other people. 
> 
> So, I would like to give some background about myself. 
> 
> I used to write in this fandom a lot, and most of my stuff is still on here so ya know... Anyhoo, I kind of stopped because I didn't feel very safe in continuind, there had been some leaks in relation to my personal twitter which I have sinced distanced from my fanfiction writing. 
> 
> There's also been a lot of discussions on the problematic-ness of RPFs and I agree with a lot of the points people are making, but I have also recognized that writing these fanfics brings me a lot of joy personally so I eventually started writing again very recently, simply because it made me happy, just as catching up on some of the new fanfics by other writers in this fandom made me happy. 
> 
> I am not confident in saying that I'm back. I am only saying that writing this has been very fun in a way, even though the topic is so not-fun, and it's basically more than I have written in original writing in the past two years so that's something. 
> 
> This was basically just for the people who might still know me from before, in case you're still there. 
> 
> Either way, it feels good to have written something again and maybe I'll continue. But for now, thanks for reading folks, it means a lot <33


End file.
